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Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
 
 
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I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
 
 
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Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
 
 
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The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
 
 
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Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
 
 
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Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
 
 
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Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
 
 
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Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
 
 
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Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
 
 
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When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
 
 
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Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
 
 
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Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
 
 
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One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
 
 
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Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
 
 
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There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
 
 
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If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
 
 
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I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
 
 
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My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
 
 
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There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
 
 


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